Book Review: Making Peace with What I Can't Control by Lysa TerKeurst

Lysa TerKeurst offers a compassionate, practical message for those who find themselves burdened by matters which are completely beyond their control. We might see loved ones making choices which will not only bring trouble to themselves, but also to others around them. In another case, perhaps it’s a medical diagnosis, revealing a sickness with no available cure. For many in this tumultuous age, they worry as political and cultural powers seem to be sending society off an existential cliff. No matter how much hang-wringing, pleading, or intervening is done, those who desire certain types of control can find themselves frustrated beyond measure. Peace is lost and years are spent with anxiety and concern. Lysa has felt similar tensions in her life, and offers wise counsel in how to manage it. 

If readers enjoyed The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, they may find that in many ways Making Peace with What I Can’t Control is an improvement. Rather than offering a position based in Stoicism, TerKeurst examines the issue of control through the lens of the Bible. What does God’s Word have to say about the issues we face every day? How can we take our hands off of frustrating situations which seemingly need our management? Lysa repeatedly illuminates scripture passages which speak to these concerns. 

Not only is God capable of handling that which worries us, but he invites us to cast our cares upon him (I Peter 5:7). This is not always an easy task, and in some cases has to be done repeatedly. We may have to grieve and give up dreams which we had held for certain relationships, knowing things could be different if our loved one would make healthy choices. Lysa does not readily advocate a type of cancel culture, but acknowledges that in some relationships, we might have to make peace with less-than-ideal situations. As we experience that pain of disappointment, we can turn to the One who can comfort us like no other. When we do this, we are freed not only from the burden of carrying that which is not ours to carry, but we are also liberated to fully pursue the path which the Lord has for us (Matt. 11:28-30). We are able to grow into emotionally and spiritually stronger followers of Christ and serve him in a way that is not codependent on the choices of others. 

Over the years I have not always agreed with Lysa on every theological matter. However, Making Peace with What I Can’t Control offers a biblical, Christ-focused treatise which will be helpful for many. If your worries for a loved one keep you up at night, I encourage you to read Lysa TerKeurst’s message and apply it. Read and re-read the scripture passages she presents. Ask the Lord for his help. The God of all comfort is waiting to offer peace in the midst of the storms of life (II Cor 1:3-4). As we release our controlling tendencies to him, we can witness his work in us and in those for whom we hold such care.

About the Author

Lysa TerKeurst is president and chief visionary officer of Proverbs 31 Ministries and the author of seven New York Times bestsellers, including I Want to Trust You, But I Don't, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, Forgiving What You Can't Forget, and It's Not Supposed to Be This Way. She enjoys life with her husband Chaz and her kids and grandkids. Connect with her at www.LysaTerKeurst.com or on social media @LysaTerKeurst.

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Book Review: Counterfeit Forgiveness by Teasi Cannon

Recently I was struggling with feelings of bitterness toward an individual, and I began researching the subject of forgiveness. I ran across a podcast which featured Teasi Cannon discussing a view of forgiveness that is rarely offered today. This is not a "new" perspective, but simply one that has gone ignored in great part for decades. 

The crux of the thesis is this: Forgiveness is not an act to be done alone in a vacuum. It is meant to be between two people: the forgiver who offers forgiveness, and the contrasting party who accepts forgiveness after they have recognized their hurt and repented. Teasi is not alone in her assessment of the nature of forgiveness. Biblical scholars such as Chris Brauns, Vee Chandler, Anthony Bash, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, John Murray, John Piper, Nicholas Wolterstorff and more have all espoused this view. There may be differing points in other areas of theology between all of these varied believers, but they hold the same posture as Ms. Cannon in the arena of forgiveness. 

In Counterfeit Forgiveness, Teasi Cannon examines this topic from many angles, touching on several areas of concern which are sensitive and deeply personal. What does one do when the person who has harmed you is no longer alive? What if it is simply unsafe to even engage with this person? If there is no sign of conviction or repentance when the hurt is made known, what then? Aren't Christians commanded to forgive everyone? Did not Christ Himself hold a generous heart towards those who were actively crucifying Him? If forgiveness is a mechanism which also brings a measure of freedom to the victim, what are they to do if offering the gift of forgiveness simply isn't possible? 

Teasi addresses these issues and more, with humility and with intimate knowledge of what it means to be hurt by another. If you are carrying bitterness in your heart which has become burdensome and spiritually cancerous, consider the message of Teasi Cannon's Counterfeit Forgiveness. She and other authors in her position are offering a biblical model which embodies the way in which God offers forgiveness. The Lord also offers other means of healing and sanctification for hurting souls when the transaction of forgiveness does not occur. She writes:

"Biblical forgiveness requires confrontation, accountability, the involvement of Christian community, the possibility of unresolved relationships, and the willingness to accept lingering pain when repentance doesn’t come. Unilateral forgiveness only requires my own thoughts. For a culture that’s increasingly uncomfortable with conflict and quick to disengage, the solo version moved faster and avoided landmines. We simply like to travel the path of least resistance.”

This review is merely a thumbnail sketch of Teasi Cannon’s presentation of biblical forgiveness. Like other newcomers to this view, I also had many questions when I was first presented with it. The words “Well what about…?” came to mind often. While Teasi’s work is not exhaustive in this realm of study, it is a fine offering, giving the reader an accessible and relatable view of what it means to be hurt and to process that pain. I myself will always be a work in progress in this regard. I am so grateful to the voices of Teasi Cannon, Chris Brauns, Vee Chandler and others who are shedding light on this crucial topic. It inhabits the core of the Gospel message, and should be heard by all. 

About the Author

Teasi Cannon is an author, speaker, and host of the True Comfort podcast with a passion for helping believers cultivate and enduring faith in Jesus. She holds a Master’s degree in Pastoral Counseling from Liberty University and a Certificate in Christian Apologetics from Southern Evangelical Seminary.

Drawing from both theological study, Christian apologetics, and personal experience, Teasi writes and speaks on topics including forgiveness, suffering, calling and purpose, and the faithfulness of God in life’s hardest seasons.

Teasi lives in Tennessee with her husband, Bill, and enjoys spending time with her children and grandchildren.

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